To the Light of My Life

Dear Deepika,

Sounding so distant na.! I don’t know why I am suddenly getting a feel that we share a so formal relation. I started to feel so uncomfortable to talk to you. Do you remember when I came t meet you last weekend, you kept on asking me why I was so formal. But I don’t know, I really don’t know why I was so. May be it’s that I am really making myself distant from you. May be it’s my emotional tantrums that made me block myself from showing that to you. Or may be its just so and I am totally ignorant of the reason behind it. But surely I don’t want to be distant from you. I don’t want that thought to even cross my mind of not sharing my personal things and our girly chatting with you. I don’t have any other “Girl” friend than you to share a piece of me, a piece of me which I always treasured in you. You are the safest locker to do so.


Deepu I love you and I never loved a person like this before you. And maybe I never got a chance to remind myself about expressing love for the people I love. I just too naïve in relationships that I take them for granted. And I never express or show that I do love them. Do you remember the first of those times when we met? Sitting in that packed classroom and attending those ragging sessions in the breaks. I still remember the way you used to sing, like a soft breeze passing through the room in that sultry afternoon. And you were so adept at that art of singing and talking. Have you ever attended any people management classes? You were such a brilliant person. I still remember in that evening’s ragging session how you gave our nagging senior a slap without actually touching his face. It was a wonderful piece of work known only to you.


I could not remember when we first talked with each other and it just happened so that we had instantly hit it off very well with each other. Not only during the greener days but also during the hey days of my life you were always there for me. Instilling that much needed confidence in my heart, you made me realize my potential.


Deepu I was sometimes used to get so jealous of your skills that I didn’t possess. Do you know that you were the model for my suddenly wearing bangles and to bring my feminine side of my personality outward? And you were the inspiration for my first few lines and you were the strength behind my first job. There were days and nights we spent together, there were endless discussions that we wished they would never end, and there were countless steps that we took as one. Those are just excellent. (Excellent is too less a word but I am left with a no better word).


Those long walks from college to my home and then to your home, I never felt as a stranger at your home and you too never at my home. I wonder how you never got bored with an utterly boring person (as perceived by others) like me. You should take classes to the people who find me a real dumbo. You gave me a name “XLX” because of my famous Expressionless expression that I used to carry at times when I was clueless. I was angry on you when you took my opposite side in teasing me. I was happy when you came as a shield to stop those comments from those infamously famous people. I miss those mid night calls to wake you up to prepare for the next day’s exam. I used to study till midnight and you used to get up in the midnight to study. What a contrast yet so in sync. Hey we were two poles apart but always with each other, like a day and a night to complete the Day.


We were so proud na when one girl wrote in my slam book that she always envied our friendship and she wished that she could have a friend like we have each other. We were brimming with pride mixed with unknown happiness. We were like two starlets in that sky always gleaming with energy and enthusiasm to do the things that we loved doing. We never missed others not because we never cared for them but because we tasted their carelessness. I still remember that day when you cried because of them, that day when you felt why we were with them and why we unnecessarily cared for them? It is like bringing up a snake in our home, no regrets. Now we are happy, happy without them and happier with each other.


In the chronological order first I cried for my parents when I left my home, then I felt the pain of being away from the beloved now strangely I am in the same feeling about you. So strange that I started missing you all of a sudden over a night. Though you were always with me and for me you were always there to take care of my unsaid desires and unexpressed feelings. Thanks for being all that and you mean a lot in my life.


Now as you are stepping into a new life altogether I wish you have a great bonding at your new home and have a wonderful time there. And this is sounding so foolish of me. How dare I am advising a person who can mingle with people as though it is like eating a chocolate.


I was thinking and thinking and rethinking that, was there any moment I made you feel happy about me and was there any incident which made you feel “Yeah she is my friend and I know her well” and was there any moment which made you feel like giving me a hug without having to say anything and staying silent for some time? I wish there were many if not at least one such auspicious moment to drench me in the rain of fulfilled cherishment. It remains of the days we were walking from college back home fully drenched in that first rain and it also reminds of the days we gorged in sugarcane juice in a scorching sunny afternoon and also it reminds of that cold winter evening walk we went together to that Hill view park. Are they not just excellent?


These are just a few memoirs I could recollect and I am sure there are hundreds of them like this, like so beautiful, like so untouched by any evils around them , like just perfect of a friendship. As an Engineer just excuse me for coining the word Perfect here as we were forced to agree there is nothing like perfect existing in this world. But I would say you are just perfect may be not to the whole but to me you are just perfect a friend.


Be happy and Cheerful always…… (Oops how can I not mention your smile anywhere in this letter.. next time I ll not repeat this mistake).


With love,
Rammi

P.S. Have you told your hubby that I am your first boy friend?

SHE ~ HE

SHE: I only have me to myself
Alone in that deserted house
Away from all the buzz around
Alone in the black house of that dark street
Away from everyone and everything
I have only me to myself.
HE: I only have you to me
Alone in that packed house
Surrounded by the buzz yet so untouched
And away from you all alone
In this bright house in the darkness of life
Away from myself too
I only have you to me.