To the Light of My Life

Dear Deepika,

Sounding so distant na.! I don’t know why I am suddenly getting a feel that we share a so formal relation. I started to feel so uncomfortable to talk to you. Do you remember when I came t meet you last weekend, you kept on asking me why I was so formal. But I don’t know, I really don’t know why I was so. May be it’s that I am really making myself distant from you. May be it’s my emotional tantrums that made me block myself from showing that to you. Or may be its just so and I am totally ignorant of the reason behind it. But surely I don’t want to be distant from you. I don’t want that thought to even cross my mind of not sharing my personal things and our girly chatting with you. I don’t have any other “Girl” friend than you to share a piece of me, a piece of me which I always treasured in you. You are the safest locker to do so.


Deepu I love you and I never loved a person like this before you. And maybe I never got a chance to remind myself about expressing love for the people I love. I just too naïve in relationships that I take them for granted. And I never express or show that I do love them. Do you remember the first of those times when we met? Sitting in that packed classroom and attending those ragging sessions in the breaks. I still remember the way you used to sing, like a soft breeze passing through the room in that sultry afternoon. And you were so adept at that art of singing and talking. Have you ever attended any people management classes? You were such a brilliant person. I still remember in that evening’s ragging session how you gave our nagging senior a slap without actually touching his face. It was a wonderful piece of work known only to you.


I could not remember when we first talked with each other and it just happened so that we had instantly hit it off very well with each other. Not only during the greener days but also during the hey days of my life you were always there for me. Instilling that much needed confidence in my heart, you made me realize my potential.


Deepu I was sometimes used to get so jealous of your skills that I didn’t possess. Do you know that you were the model for my suddenly wearing bangles and to bring my feminine side of my personality outward? And you were the inspiration for my first few lines and you were the strength behind my first job. There were days and nights we spent together, there were endless discussions that we wished they would never end, and there were countless steps that we took as one. Those are just excellent. (Excellent is too less a word but I am left with a no better word).


Those long walks from college to my home and then to your home, I never felt as a stranger at your home and you too never at my home. I wonder how you never got bored with an utterly boring person (as perceived by others) like me. You should take classes to the people who find me a real dumbo. You gave me a name “XLX” because of my famous Expressionless expression that I used to carry at times when I was clueless. I was angry on you when you took my opposite side in teasing me. I was happy when you came as a shield to stop those comments from those infamously famous people. I miss those mid night calls to wake you up to prepare for the next day’s exam. I used to study till midnight and you used to get up in the midnight to study. What a contrast yet so in sync. Hey we were two poles apart but always with each other, like a day and a night to complete the Day.


We were so proud na when one girl wrote in my slam book that she always envied our friendship and she wished that she could have a friend like we have each other. We were brimming with pride mixed with unknown happiness. We were like two starlets in that sky always gleaming with energy and enthusiasm to do the things that we loved doing. We never missed others not because we never cared for them but because we tasted their carelessness. I still remember that day when you cried because of them, that day when you felt why we were with them and why we unnecessarily cared for them? It is like bringing up a snake in our home, no regrets. Now we are happy, happy without them and happier with each other.


In the chronological order first I cried for my parents when I left my home, then I felt the pain of being away from the beloved now strangely I am in the same feeling about you. So strange that I started missing you all of a sudden over a night. Though you were always with me and for me you were always there to take care of my unsaid desires and unexpressed feelings. Thanks for being all that and you mean a lot in my life.


Now as you are stepping into a new life altogether I wish you have a great bonding at your new home and have a wonderful time there. And this is sounding so foolish of me. How dare I am advising a person who can mingle with people as though it is like eating a chocolate.


I was thinking and thinking and rethinking that, was there any moment I made you feel happy about me and was there any incident which made you feel “Yeah she is my friend and I know her well” and was there any moment which made you feel like giving me a hug without having to say anything and staying silent for some time? I wish there were many if not at least one such auspicious moment to drench me in the rain of fulfilled cherishment. It remains of the days we were walking from college back home fully drenched in that first rain and it also reminds of the days we gorged in sugarcane juice in a scorching sunny afternoon and also it reminds of that cold winter evening walk we went together to that Hill view park. Are they not just excellent?


These are just a few memoirs I could recollect and I am sure there are hundreds of them like this, like so beautiful, like so untouched by any evils around them , like just perfect of a friendship. As an Engineer just excuse me for coining the word Perfect here as we were forced to agree there is nothing like perfect existing in this world. But I would say you are just perfect may be not to the whole but to me you are just perfect a friend.


Be happy and Cheerful always…… (Oops how can I not mention your smile anywhere in this letter.. next time I ll not repeat this mistake).


With love,
Rammi

P.S. Have you told your hubby that I am your first boy friend?

SHE ~ HE

SHE: I only have me to myself
Alone in that deserted house
Away from all the buzz around
Alone in the black house of that dark street
Away from everyone and everything
I have only me to myself.
HE: I only have you to me
Alone in that packed house
Surrounded by the buzz yet so untouched
And away from you all alone
In this bright house in the darkness of life
Away from myself too
I only have you to me.

It's In Me

When I am walking down the boulevard of thoughts,
I see am a lonely figure in the avenue of scintillating busy-bees.

Struggling to find something to keep myself busy and feel alive,
That something which makes me realize those dreams once I had,
That something which makes me feels as great and confident as
I was a toddler scoring a run or two amidst the cheering crowd,
That something which lets me live my life to the fullest and as I wish to
And that something which shows the true me to everyone I cherish.

And then I found the treasure is right inside me
and right inside my heart
Lying unrecognized at the lowest corner beneath the cache of thoughts
Which is striving hard to surface up to show me that it’s here....
right here….yes here…
Here, which I never realized until that day and that moment
That I have it in me, the light to show a way in the darkness that I am in,
The belief that I can do it and I can be the one I wanted always to be.

At that moment when I was walking down the boulevard of scattered dreams…….
I thanked Him for showing me an exit in the Labyrinth I was struggling in
And made Him a promise that I will never ask Him to come for my rescue again
As I learned a way out to reach the Destiny of my Dreams by myself.

Sorry, My Friend

What have I done to you my friend?
When you were alone and bored
When you asked me to tell something to cheer you up
When you were in no mood to answer my stupid questions and
When you were not your usual self

I made you feel even more lonely
I expected that you shall bring a smile on my lips as you always do
I asked my stupid and irrelevant questions
And i was my usual perfect self

Unable to make you smile when u are not
Unable to be happy to myself after that and
Unable to understand my helplessness

I was walking there alone thinking how you were
Praying Him that there must be someone who made you smile and
Expecting a reply to my stupid and helpless message

Waiting there on the road as i was walking alone
Expecting you to walk past me with your smile filled dimple cheeks
Expecting you to say a warmth Hi to me and
Praying Him that your mood swing shall be on the brighter side always

What have i done to you my friend?
Except making you feel even more worse....

Childhood Musings

Childhood. I was the happiest child , Beautiful and energetic as every other child of my age could be.WIth no intensions of what should i do and what i am not supposed to do every moment. But only live that moment as i wished to and as carefree as i could get.And No waitings for the sunday to come and also no over times at the office.

Its still afresh in my mind the picture of a small girl going to school in a neatly done White uniform and a Bob hair cut which is famous in those days. Carrying a small back pack with a slate, slate pencil and a small book inside it unlike nowadays, even Infants are carrying a minimum of 3 kg weighing bag. I used to pester my Mom for right from getting up to eating my break fast and having the milk to going to school though they always were futile attempts. Who can win agsinst the Mother's love?..

So then i did start with Dad to school throwing a lifeless tata-Bye- bye smile to mom and grand ma while they were smiling and waving their hands till we went turning from our street end. Once into my world of fellow toddlers I even dint look back to wish my dad a Bye who was all the way looking at his daughter going inside the class room happily. I still remember that there was a small steel box I used to carry a single puri with sugar daily to school to have it in the break time. But after a few years my mom gave that box to Anjali aunty which dint come back to our home again. The first thing I felt hard to leave.

While getting inside the classroom I just glared back at my dad who was still standing there like a sincere student for that small moment. And I felt its my responsibility not to disappoint him so wished a Bye with smile filled eyes. In the classroom it was more of a fun with one or the other from my little group crying and my miss had to play a sweet mother to that kid. I felt that she is the most beautiful and kindest of all the women I know only next to my mom. I still can remember her smiley face every time when those thoughts just pass through my memoirs.


Everyday my mom used to come to take me back to home after the school hours. But on that day my uncle has come from our place and enthusiastic to see his niece as soon as possible he came to the school to pick me up.As we were all small my miss didnot allow me to go with a stranger and asked me if i know him.I didn't tell anything to her that it tested their patience for sometime.Finally i called him Mama so she recognised that know him and she let him take me with him to home.But after coming home i took all the chocolates and sweets he brought for me so happily.He was left wondering why is this girl was seem to be so alien to me a few minutes back and now so close. Right from that time the characteristics of my sunsign GEMINI can be seen clearly in me.(though not in all the ways)


After coming home its just fun and games everywhere with all the childresn (my friends) coming back from schools and assembling at our meeting point to start our most important works like playing, running and making our parents worried about our safety and also others safety.

There used to be very little worry about our studies and more emphasis was given to our health and hobbies. We were allowed to be in our natural habitat rather than being pushed to the tuitions and extra classes, that helped me grow the way i wnated to be with less tensions and more of fun-filled childhood. When i look back to those years my eyes smile at any time,My lips open up to talk about those days continuously and my mind is refreshed totally.Which gives me the energy to work for the hectic life that we are in. If given a chance i would like to turn these days schools to the ones we have studied in to make all the children bloom freely rather than being catalysed by some pesticides for temporary fame and happiness.

Interacation - meant for nothing

I was waiting from almost a week for this morning session of Interaction at HRDC. Only to escape from the working environment for a few hours. Some days ( infact almost all the days) like this come in my life which would continuously remind me of our good old college days.There was not even a single day i wished i could fell sick or i get a holiday out of air or many a crazy ideas like this to bunk college.Okay rams plz come out of this college life and all that never ending stuff as the theme of this post is that some session u started describing at the beginning of this para.


The so called session was scheduled to start at 8.30 and I am in the office by 8am, fifteen mins earlier to my dialy time. May be there is some unknown part my gene which will force me to reach the destination at least five minutes before the second person comes. Even the same gene code is there in Deepika's body also.We were never late to any place nor even on time. We did enough of search and research on this topic and we finally left it to our gene code which is beyond our research area.


So finally the session started at 9am (Indian punctuality).There were Mr.Rao, Mr.PTS and Mr.AJ presented on the dias with a note book in each of their hands and a bunch of printed papers. May be those papers were intended for the views of great people like us.


They wished us all a Good morning and to my surprise most people were standing like we do in our school to wish them back. I was sitting in the first row and by the time I realized whats happening everybody was back into their seats.The average age of our group is nearly 23yrs and we all are professionals by the virtue of degrees.Though that was not seen in the way we wished a morning.Then Mr.AJ resumed the meeting and briefed the agenda to us.


First point : How is your training going on?
Most people told it was excellent going on at a pace higher because we joined in those departments etc.Then started the actual scene. One guy started it saying that we don’t have PC and a table chair to sit at our work place.


Second Point : Tell me the word or a phrase used by ur BOSS that makes u happy ?
This is the part which we enjoyed the most. Have a look at the various answers that come up.
“SKY IS THE LIMIT”
“AFTER YOU JOINED HERE THE WORK IS MOVING AT A FULL PACE”
“YOU ARE VERY ENERGETIC, ENTHUSIASTIC, INTELLIGENT etc….”
“YOU CATCH UP THINGS VERY FAST”
And the best one is.“IF YOU DON’T HAVE A PC TAKE MINE, IF U DON’T HAVE A CHAIR TAKE MINE”
“YOU CAN DO IT”
“YOU CAN ASK ANY DAMN THING”


Third point : Customer focus training:
This was the major setback point in the session that dampened my spirits at a bad time. Customer focus training is a part of our traing where every trainee need to spend a minimum of six days at two customer sites and interact with the customers. We need to carry their feedback back to our place and have to find solutions to correct the bad remarks by discussing with the proper authorities.I thought instead of going to a faraway place I will go to my home town which is a home for four of our customers also and enjoy my trip.But from sources I heard that they are not allowing to go to nearby places like this.


Fourth point: What is the word or phrase used by ur BOSS dampens ur spirit ?
This was the point of interest to our HRDC people.
"DONT ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS"
"DONT ASK ME SUCH QUESTIONS"“I AM BUSY NOW”
“HERE THINGS WONT WORK, DON’T QUESTION”


I came to know from my friend about one of the most hilarious incidents at one of these previous interactions. One of our HRDC gurus have asked the crowd "WHY DID u join this job".... here came an answer shooting with a lot of patriotism "I WANT TO SERVE MY COUNTRY SIR". As if the guy is not taking home his salary and contributing for the society.

Later the session went on to discuss various issues at the hostel and people are really happy to see their friends. I think the only time everybody enjoys during our trainee life is the class room training which is more or less like a college. Making new friends and playing pranks at each other and having fun. Since i missed that part of training i will be having it later with the next batch. So i know only a few guys with whom i can actually talk and say a Hi.

Thus the session ended without any conclusion. And making a subject for my meant-for-nothing post. This is just for my time pass and a work out regime to beat-the-stress-at-work.

నీ కోసం . .

వర్షపు చినుకులలో రవికిరణ పరావర్తనం
ఆకాశంలో ఇంద్ర ధనుస్సు విరియడానికే...

నీవు రవికిరణానివయితే నేను స్వాతి చినుకునై
మన స్నేహాన్ని ఇంద్ర ధనుస్సు వర్ణాలతో నింపనా.....

సంధ్యారుణిమ కాంతులలో సుర్యాస్తమయ సమయాన
విరిసిన ఈ సప్త వర్ణాలు మన స్నేహపు ప్రతిబింబాలు...... !!!

This is the poem which i like the most of mine...... it was written some three years back but i still remember that day and incidents which made me to put down my feelings in a structured way for that first time.....

Those were the golden days of my life which will never come back..... But i am looking forward for the still more precious days ....

First day

College time enthako telidu. First roju kada chala exciting ga vundi , kastha bhayam ga kuda vundi.

Okkasare peddadanni ayipobothunnanu anna feeling, ento artham kavatledu. Anyway aa anxiety tho thondaragane ready ayyanu. Ma father kuda ready ayyaka nannu college lo dimpadaniki natho patu bayalderaru.

Auto maddilapalem vachaka ANDHRA UNIVERSITY ani oka arch kanipinchindi. Adena college anukutu vunte chala sepu khali road vundi, tarvatha campus lo ki vachindi. Duram ga oka pedda rallatho kattina bhavanam chala pathaga vundi ayina chala andamga oka edda raja bhavanam la anipinchindi. Oka pakka pedda play ground, antha peddadi ippativaraku nenu chadivina school lo college lo ledu. Oho college peddadi kada anduke ground kuda peddada anukunnanu. Kani aa ground lo em adukvachu leka yem cheyyochu anna alochanale raledu naku.

Kudipakkaki chusthe okko department building vasthondui. Modataga Marine engg department. Oh mana college lo marine and naval architecture kuda vunada wow anukuntu vundaga pakkane Electronics department kanipinchindi , kani andulo pedda ascharyam anipinchaledu. Tarvatha metallurgy, malli ascharyam alanti branch okati engg lo vuntunda anukuni munduki velthe CSE , Electrical depts. Vachayi. Ivanni sare ma mechanical ekkada anukuntu vundagane kastha duram lo assembly hall ki yeduruga chala andam ga vunna oka building “DEPARTMENT OF MECHANICAL ENGINEERING” ani kanipinchindi. Oka rakamina anandam, santhrupthi kaligayi aa kshanam lo.


Department ki velli class room details anni kanukkuni velli chusesariki, appude chala mandi class lo assemble ayyaru. Oka professor edo class kuda chepthunnattunnaru. Ayyo late ayyana ippudu class disturb chesi vellali anukuntune ‘may i come in Sir ‘ annanu. ok claas loki enter ayyanu. First bench lo khali vunte oka seatlo kurchunnanu.


Class antha chala packed ga vundi. English sir class chepthunnaru. Just introduction isthunnaru asalu Engg lo Language importance entha. Placements ki or further education options lo English role entha varaku ani edo chepthunnaru. Madhya lo oka ammayi lechi English lo non telugu accent lo edo question adigindi, andaru oka sari atuvaipu head turning ichukunnaru… So many aaah ‘ s vachayi from many of them.Basic ga aa accent kotha ga vundi emo, anthe kadu aa ammayi kuda chala kotha ga anipinchindi.


Anyway ala class ayipoyindi. Classes time table icharu. Inka aroju ki inkemi classes levu ani cheppi vellipodam ani decide ayyanu. Anthalo oka ammayi venakki pilichi Hai andi,nenu telisina vallu ikkada evarabba anukuntu venakki tiriganu, tanu inter lo na class mate. Panilo paniga venakathala motham classlo vunna vallandarini okasari scruitiny chesthe chala mande vunnaru. First roju evaru miss avvaru anukuntanu.

Andari mohhallo ed oka anandam, edo saadhinchali anna thapana, Kothadanam valana kalige ascharyam, adolescence lo vunde Andam antha kalisi chala kothaga vundi. Seethakokachilukalla raka rakala rangulatho, purthiga puri vippi natyam adadaniki sidhamina Mayuralla chala andamga vunnaru.
Ok inthamandi kotha vallalo atleast okka mohamu ayina telisindi vundi class lo anukuni happy ga feel ayyanu, ok ok twaraga intiki vellipovali kada lekapothe seniors ane oka rama dandu vachesthundi ane bhayam tho thondaraga akkadi nunchi bayatapaddanu.
Ala college lo athyantha mukhyamina gurthupettukovalsina mdati roju gadichipoyindi.

The famous five

Last week i travelled from my hometown back to present town where i met one of my best buddies in the college life. Though the conversation lasted for the smallest ever conversation i had with him, it impacted me the most as never before leaving me back to my college life, Just two (fast and furious) years back . Here is one of those most memorabilia.


I never read the so called book Famous five nor i had a look at it. But this is the word rather a sentence ( not good at correct English) which we used the most in our college.


There are these five guys of B.E. Mechanical ( 2003-07 ) batch (( the most famous though )) of the beautiful Andhra University college of engineering campus from where you can have a look at the Bay of Bengal.( From first floor of the campus you can see a distant sea - very beautiful and calm). And these two stars who always formed a group of SEVEN in almost all the events and get togethers and tours etc etc...


T.SUDHAKAR - Known as SUDHI to very few and as SWATHI to almost everyone. Looks so innocent( I should say he is) famous for his never fading face and i always remember him as the most sincere and studious guy in my batch. (I know sudhi u won’t agree with me).

His hospitality is awesome as his family and village is. Sorry its not a village at all. Its more developed than the most developed cities I must say. Hardly 100 houses are there but every other house is like a duplex villa. Some of the most Richies must be living here.


VIJAY KANTH – This is the guy who made me write this blog. He is the one whom I met in my journey I mentioned at the starting of this post. I am always confused in which category I should put him in whether mischievous or studious because he is both. Vijay is the only one in the batch with whom I had a hitch rather he had with me once. Though later we became good friends again . Vijay even now I don’t know exactly what made you get angry on me that you stopped talking for a considerable amount of time. Nyways past is past, we will never be the same old ones.


GG SRIVASTAV – Mr. BUDUGU of my buddy Ms. Seegana pesunamba. If somebody read the famous telugu book of ‘BUDUGU’ come to me I will show you the live character of BUDUGU in him. Looks cute more because of his innocent face, a dimple and more and more curly hair.We always had a doubt how he manages his hair ;) . He is one of the most intelligent guys of our batch (TOPPER ) . Studies apart he is equally misciveous, might have been doing Ph.D in satires technology.
Forgot to tell we call him TINKU, found his sweety leaving us ( two stars) so surprised . All the best TINKU , don’t spoil IIM-A. Keep it clean and green.


Mr.PCHS – Chandu garu, ,,, I don’t know what to write, he is the one with whom I talked for hours and hours together either at my home or his or on the roads of gurudwara Jn for that matter wherever we met. Looks like a teen still. Whenever we had a conversation, there are atleast one point I picked up from that.

He is so friendly and easily approachable guy among the five….. I should say he is our batch Michael Jackson famous for his DAnGEROUS performance. A very good dancer and an aesthetic guy. Though I don’t like one part of his life overall I am more close to him among the five.


Ram Prasad Panda – we call him PANDA only. Though he was my project mate also , he is the one I believe that I know very little in person. He is a very intelligent guy ( like we all are ;) ). Hey all the best for your IIM journey.

And finally the two stars are my best buddy DEEPIKA and myself. Deepu, I think this post will be too long if I write about u also. You deserve a separate blog post darling. Wait for that..

We had enough of enjoyment during our college may be more than many others. Those are the days which will be the memories for life long. We have enough stories to share with our children and grand children.
Guys we will definitely meet again and again and relive our golden days. Keep in touch


From,
Rimmy……….

Hibernation

Trying hard to wake myself up from a long hibernation and getting myself ready to re-organize the things which are piling up on my way to get ready for a new start.
The people around me have changed like never before and i dont know even a single of them. Nor i can find a single known face from my memories. where did they all go??